It's funny when you look back and think about the first time you met someone and then reminisce about how you came to be in the current situation you're in, like a mental timeline. This is how I feel about Spike and the best conclusion that pops into my mind like one of those bubbled verbs in comic books is "it's so random!"
Come a few days ago, I went over to his apartment because he asked me to and soon after Roomie joined us. That night went on a bit longer.... I got to bed at 4:oo AM. We watched some Internet videos and then put on Michelle and Romy's High School Reunion (is it me or is that movie long??). Roomie left towards the end of the movie and then I stayed about 5 minutes longer lying next to him with my head on his shoulder. He tried moving close to me, which was fine, but I wasn't about to do anything near what I do with SF. I have this fear of being with another guy after SF because I know it's going to be different and I have to get used to another person all over again and he has to get used to me, especially since this one is a month younger than me while SF is almost 4 years older and I'm already comfy-cozy with him. Completely content, which is ironic.
The other night, Spike and I watched Star Wars. Two episodes. The first one we were joking the whole way through, making comments, racist, sexist, and just plain funny ones. For the second episode we were quieter and napped a little. It was 1 AM by the time we were finished with the movie and I left after a couple minutes of talking. Once in my apartment, I texted him, "Fuck I forgot my laptop." He joked and said it was too late he already ate it. I had to go back down the hall and get it. When I opened the door, Roomie was outside and her puppy Pomeranian was racing towards my feet! We watched puppy and Spike's roommate's pet cat, Joey, bark and meow at each other for a little while before leaving again.
He started texting me again. Pretty soon he told me he was outside my door and I walked back with him to his apartment and he said, "You seem shy," (kind of a creeper thing to say) and I said, "I am, in case you haven't noticed." And he turned my head and kissed me and from the first millisecond I was comparing him to SF, there was no stopping that. He feels similar, the back of his neck feels similar, but he doesn't take his time like SF, who just completely becomes consumed with what's happening and it's like we movie in slow motion. No, Spike was different in that he was thinking ahead too much. So I made the excuse that my phone buzzed and immediately sent SF the text, "I like you better :/" and told Spike I had to go because I was going to wake up early in the morning.
On the way back to my apartment, Spike texted me asking if he'd gone too far and I said not quite, but close and that we needed to go at a snail's pace if this was to go on since I've never had to get used to a new guy before (nor do I really want to) and he said that was fine. Spike is abstinent. He's almost a holy roller, not quite, which is interesting. I have no problem with people who are abstinent and refrain from all that for whatever reason, I just don't think it's right for me. This makes Spike a bit predictable in that I don't know what we're going to do but I do know what we're not going to do and, for me, that's kind of an important missing piece of the puzzle.
So yesterday I told SF I was going to see him, no questions asked. I would've gone to see him the night before if it weren't 3 AM. But I left Friend's apartment around 3:30 PM yesterday and picked him up to grab some Taco Bell (because that is his safe haven and I like their chicken soft tacos and was star-ving).
It was almost 12 AM at his apartment and I was munching on a Larabar in his Pink Floyd T-shirt, sitting at the kitchen table and he joined me in his boxers and we talked, quite lightly and genuinely, about how Spike just wasn't worth breaking things off with him. Because, frankly, SF and I are too important. We're too rare. What we are is best friends. I've fallen asleep in his nook too many times, been too many places with him, seen too many things, felt too many things. I've stopped keeping count. Now it's just one collective, mutual knowledge that, yeah, we fit. As best friends. No questions asked.
[Get the pickles? Haha cuz they're phallic and it's about boys and... never mind.]
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