Monday, May 3, 2010

Hacking my brain for what I've learned about relationships.

Even though 4 months is somewhat of a puny timeframe compared to other relationships, you can learn a lot about yourself in that time. It was like being in the military or some new universal club, like new mothers, and you can't be in it till you're in it. Yeah, relationships are like that.

1. If he's independent, he's not going to include you as much as you'd like. Unless, you know, he's a freaking genius. SF was very independent of others. His mother called him 6 times a day and yet I only saw him answer her call about 3 times in those 4 months. Same with his father, who resorted to Facebooking him to get his attention sometimes. Yeah, it made me feel only a little special that he chose me to spend most of his time with, but once we went back to our schedules and couldn't see each other for entire days, I would only receive a text if I sent one asking a question. Kind of depressing. It was like luring in a puppy by dangling a treat in front of it all over again.
2. Outsiders are going to be bias, especially if they're you're girlfriends. I made the mistake of telling Friend and Roomie almost everything that happened to us on a daily basis. Getting that much feedback from girls who don't know who you're dating as well as you do is not exactly healthy and warps your decision making. So keep the minor things to yourself and only get their opinions on things that really do need a second opinion.
3. The only people who know what it's like to be in your relationship are the ones that are in it. Every relationship is different. There are only a few that have the cookie-cutter lifestyle of the perfect couple and almost all of us aspire to be Jack & Rose. Otherwise they differ, from decimals to whole numbers. So do what feels right for your specific situation instead of feeding off completely different ones, especially if they're more progressed then yours.
4. Women will almost always be more loving and caring and a thousand times more sensitive. It's in our nature. If he hasn't bought you flowers and chocolates yet, you better squash that dream to hell because it may not happen for a while. Too-high expectations are couple-killers, they really are. And even though it's hard to refrain yourself from thinking ahead or wondering what your engagement ring will look like, you have to think more realistically than anything. It will keep you much happier and less likely to have so many "talks."
5. I have no idea what I'm doing! You have to help me here! My situation, as I've just realized, did not crash and burn because of me, or because of him either. It was mainly because I had no idea how to be in a relationship and I only let him know once. He, on the other hand, was much more experienced, so I trusted him with certain situations like the texting thing (damn technology) and the date thing and almost everything else. I thought, Oh, this must be how you do it. Um, no. If you're confused about something, get some clarity because sooner or later you're going to start comparing yourself and feeling like a dumbass cyclops.
6. If something is bugging you, let it be known immediately. Don't "wait for the right time" because there isn't going to be one till it's too late. Oh yeah, I've done this way too many times. And every time I fantasize about what his reaction will be and if it will escalate to an argument. It never did. Ever. SF almost never got angry. It's not in his DNA, which is why he tends to smile, stay quiet, or crack a joke rather than interrogate. So unless you know your guy to be rather controlling, I doubt any movie-worthy argument will break out over a simple inquiry about your status. Guys are usually on the calm side unless they have a reason to become heated. So I'll spell it out for you: don't give him a reason. He'll understand.
7. Remain the cool girl he asked out rather than sinking into a needy little hover bee that won't leave him alone. Not that this happened to me, but it happens all the time to the most awesome girls. And the thing is, the girl doesn't normally acknowledge when this happens. The people who do are her boyfriend and the onlookers. It's so noticeable it's ridiculous.

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