I was punished yesterday morning while driving. Not just reprimanded, but punished. Wince worthy, teeth clenching, stomach churning, traumatizing punishment. SF was actually with me but this didn't help cushion the blow at all. I made a wrong turn instead of staying straight and didn't realize it till I'd already done it (weirdly retarded, right?). "Crap, why did I turn on Vine?! I always go straight!" So I was desperate to get into the turning lane so I could go left onto Sunset. I put on my blinker and waited till there was a good gap and then drove into the left lane in front of a red Camry. Once there, safe and sound, I hear SF say, "Don't turn, just keep looking straight. Don't look over here." "Okay...." But I could see in my peripheral vision what was happening. "He spat on your window," SF told me. This was so ridiculous and frightening to me that I had no idea how to respond other than by giggling. SF even tried turning up the radio but I turned it back down. Just when I thought he was finished, he actually moved sideways in front of me so I had no choice but to look right at him and he glared at me and vented with every swear word in the dictionary and the word I caught most was motherfuckers in a Pakistani/Mexican accent. I just stared and breathed, really wishing I was courageous enough to not care so I could flip him off, scream back, anything to show this bothered me. But he looked like the type to get out of his car and knock a girl out. So I waited till he sped off.
As I turned, SF said that was a pretty brave move of me to get in his lane, but I had no choice! I had to turn! It happens a million times a day! So what if I delayed his car from moving by two seconds?! And the more I sat and the more SF talked, the more I wanted to extract the entire memory from my brain. Every time I dwelled on it, it shook me and my stomach felt weak. I began to talk back less and less till suddenly I was just silent for an hour and SF didn't understand what was bothering me, which didn't help at all.
Anger is contagious. I was raging for the next 4 hours, trying not to cry, wishing I screamed back something, anything to hurt him as much as he hurt me.
It took an entire day to get over it...which I will get to in a moment.
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