The Devil Appearith-at the Kick Ass Premiere??

It was going so damn well. I was there with three friends, one of them my sweeter-than-sweet roommate. We were in a small yet concentrated mob stationed at the side of the red carpet, behind a parked RV for the news anchors and photographers. We struck up conversation with two dazzling young guys from Connecticut. The premiere started. Finally, after over an hour of standing to reserve our space. First it was Clark from Hot Tub Time Machine (yet people were yelling "Mark!!" like idiots). Then came Evan, yet I have no idea who he was.

My (new boyfriend? I'm not sure what to call him) Special Friend joined us late after school. He literally ran over from the school across the street. At one point, he offered for me to get on his shoulders. I wasn't up for it at first because I'd rather not have him loose balance and then I face plant onto concrete. But he convinced me. I was five feet taller than everyone else (bow down, minions!). Everyone on the red carpet could just look over and see me. Including Nicolas Cage (blonde?!). SF had been yelling out random phrases since he arrived with his naturally projective voice, so it definitely traveled. I hadn't noticed Cage's arrival, but SF shouted, "I'm sorry you had to sell your house!" To which a paparazzo a few feet in front turned and barked, "Stop shouting stupid comments! It's rude! Show respect!" "What? No, I...no...." Everyone went quiet. "You've been saying stupid comments the whole time. Shut up." "But..I said I was sorry.... You're the one barking at everyone...." I wanted to curl up in a corner. How the hell did we walk into this? I was practically in shock mode, completely unaware that my mouth was agape as I hovered above everyone in the crowd. No, no, no! Dammit, I should've noticed Cage standing 10 feet away earlier, maybe it had to do with that fucking blondeness atop his skinny head. No wonder ass-face snapped at my SF. I'd never heard anyone say that to someone so kind. If only he knew him, he just happens to have an odd sense of humor, that's all! I could hear his voice drop three octaves too quiet, to a miserable low of sorrow. It's moments like these that make me despise Hollywood. Nice Star Trek hat, jerkoff!