Finally, yesterday morning, he texted me for the third time in 12 hours and I could feel his concern due to my silence. So I sent back, "I'll see you tonight." He agreed. We hadn't seen each other in 3 whole days, which is monumental when neither of us are doing anything special other than school. I got to his place at 8 after spending time at my friend's apartment watching TV with my laptop on my lap, crunching through half a row of Saltines (which are horrible for you, btw) and downing organic root beer (Mmmm). Instead of knocking on SF's window like I usually do so he can come out and open the locked main door for me, I followed two girls into the building and walked straight through his door figuring he hadn't locked it. Later he told me how much it scared him.
I knew immediately that I was stuck in a sort of meek, stagnant, pissy mode that would be tough to get out of without some seriously impressing moves from him. So I waited for said moves, anything. Unfortunately he wasn't in a particularly romantic mood, which is my favorite. Instead he expelled a sort of sleepy dumbness since he was exhausted from building sets at school for 12 hours straight. Understandable. I didn't want to get in the way of his sleep, but at the same time I'd driven there for a reason. Must. Make. Progress. Anything to make me feel happy about being in this relationship again.
But, my dear readers, I'm sad to say that epiphany never happened. We got half way there at some points, but I never felt the urge to stop and realize how great we were for each other. And yes, I am sad about this.... Actually I'm more frustrated than anything. I'm not exactly looking forward to the day I come through and destroy our relationship nest with a chainsaw. I've never broken up with anyone before and I'm determined to make this work just so I won't feel like a failure. But, I must say, if that feeling of content fails to return (at all), something more drastic must be done. I can't stand the emotional distance right now. It's the suckiest feeling ever.
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