Kurt is not your average, loud impersonation of who a gay teenager is, and I'm pretty sure that has to do with Chris being gay himself. Under those bright cardigans and animal print shoes, he's subtle and introverted, almost never wanting to be the center of attention, and most of all, he doesn't let people take advantage of what they assume him to be. For example, the previous episode featured Mr. Schu predictably wanting Kurt to play the alien transvestite Frank-N-Furter for the Rocky Horror piece. Yet Kurt unpredictably declined on the spot, leaving images of Kurt in a corset, lipstick, and high heels still imaginary. High five, Glee writers.
This episode was one of the most painful to watch considering the literal amount of pain brought on Kurt by a hefty, ignorant football player, Dave, who regularly shoves Kurt into the lockers in his most fragile state. Football-Ass-Dude not only pushes him face-first, but with a considerable amount of force that makes it shocking to believe Kurt isn't left with a broken arm or nose. Rather bravely, Kurt gathers every ounce of scared courage he has to chase after him screaming, "What is your problem?!" to which Dave responds with more threats of his "fury" fist. Dave is clearly angry for reasons other than Kurt's choice of interest.
Kurt does do the smart and thing and go to his Glee Club teacher for help rather than mustering up some scheme involving a pail of beans and a pulley. But Mr. Shue can only sympathize.
Giggle-scream #1: The prep school boys. Kurt decides to go outside his school for some encouragement and winds up at a prestigious, uniformed, all-boys school. Lo and behold, the first boy he meets is Blaine, a member of the Glee Club, and also intelligently gay. Blaine excuses himself to sing Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream" with the other members, addressed almost entirely to Kurt. Insert dreamy halo and godly music. At last, Kurt has found The One.
Scream #2: When the second confrontation with Dave comes around, Blaine has taught Kurt that Dave's actions are out of ignorance and Kurt's best option is to educate him so all the presumptions that seem to be pissing off Dave are gone.
This is what went down: Dave propels Kurt against the lockers so hard it's amazing he's still conscious. Kurt does the same thing as last time: screams after him, trying to get answers. They both wind up in the locker room. Then,
K: "HEY! I am talking to you!"
D: "Girl's locker room's next door."
K: "What is your problem?!"
D: "Excuse me?"
K: "What are you so scared of?"
D: "Besides you sneaking in here to sneak a peak at my junk?"
K: "Oh, yeah, it's every straight guy's nightmare--all us gays are secretly out to molest and convert you. Well guess what, Ham Hock? You're not my type!"
D: "That right?"
K: "Yeah. I don't dig on chubby boys who sweat too much and are gonna be bald by the time they're thirty."
D: [up goes the fist] "Do not push me, Hummel."
K: "You gonna hit me? Do it."
D: "Don't. Push me."
K: "Hit me 'cause it's not gonna change who I am. You can't punch the gay out of me any more than I can punch the ignoramus out of you."
D: "Get out of my face!"
K: "You are nothing but a scared little boy who can't handle how extraordinarily ordinary you are!"
Dave grabs his face and kisses him. My eyes even blurred a little, that's how quickly they saucered. What's even more amazing, he goes in for more and Kurt shoves him away in horror. It was his first kiss that "counted." Well, he got his questions answered, and so did we.
Scream #4: To deviate from the Kurt Chronicles for a moment, Coach Beiste ("beast") has her own love issues as well, which is just as apparent as her great football coaching skills. Beiste sits down with Mr. Schu to talk about why she quit and how sensitive she is regardless of her muscles and teaching methods. She's never been kissed despite being 40. She feels ugly and no one understands her. She's straight. So Mr. Schu takes it upon himself to help her take the next baby step and kisses her. Not only did I scream with arm motions, I protested due to morality of the scene. Since when was it okay for a teacher to kiss another teacher under those circumstances? TV-wise it does seem plausible, but that's it. It's a push-pull. You feel sorry for Coach Beiste, but you also wish Mr. Schu worked his wisdom without taking that extra step.
Scream #5 was internal: Dave shoulders Kurt into the lockers and he falls to the floor. Someone get that boy a punching bag and Enya CD ASAP.
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