Attention obese people and parents of toddlers: I wish you didn't exist.

You might be wondering what's causing me to write this article. Well, here's your answer: I had to sit in a relatively small movie theater today for two hours watching the delightful Toy Story 3 for the second time. To my left was an obese mother. And the 50-foot radius between me and walls was packed with parents and their noisy toddlers.
The large woman to my left was seen as a disgrace to my mother, who was sitting to my right and shaking her head and drinking her orange tea with pity as the woman told her husband she wanted the value box with popcorn. Handful after handful, she put away the popcorn, as much as there was, in a small amount of time. She reminded me of a baby eating Cheerios off a highchair trey. Pretty eye-rolling from a grown up. I even noticed that had she been five pounds heavier, she wouldn't be able to squeeze between the arm rests comfortably.
Given this is Toy Story, we were definitely not spared in the child annoyance department. It made me think, Hey, Dana Carvey is right when he said, "Let's use our inside voices? What ever happened to Shut the fuck up?!" Good point, sir. Next to my mom was a row of at least 3 toddlers, non over the age of four. They made squealed, attempted sentences, and wailed like screeching door hinges every few minutes to which my mother responded by glaring in that direction till they stopped. Neither of us are ones for tolerance when it comes to misbehavior, but I did have to tell her to stop staring because it was bothering me.
So, parents, wait till your kids are least five to leave the house. Keep your little ones on the leaches with the mouth guards to keep them quiet. And please, for the love of God, extra butter is not the answer.